groundspeed

Our Littlest is Not So Little

We have been very busy celebrating Toby turning four.

Drumming in Animal Kingdom.

Mickey love in Animal Kingdom. (Yes, there is a Toby buried in that hug.)

He got a birthday card signed by all his Disney pals!

Loving the Safari Trek!

The Boneyard in DinoLand was a big hit. He did not want to leave.

And then, after a day of just swimming and hanging out, we resumed celebrations in Magic Kingdom.

Hey, Mickey. So nice to see you again. 

Toby loved climbing up and down the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse at Magic Kingdom.

 

Apparently, checkers are only for stacking into towers and knocking down. (On Tom Sawyer's Island)

And finally... Downtown Disney and a celebratory lunch at Rainforest Cafe before heading home.

Toby tries out the merchandise.

Having a blast in the Mr. Potato Head accessories store.

Yummmmm.

Once home, we snuck in another celebration.

Birthday Eve dinner! 

A special guy deserves some special celebrating and so we have. Now today, on his actual birthday, we have the not-as-fun task of heading down to Miami for a day of appointments at the Fragile X clinic. Not-as-fun but important.  As Toby gets on to the business of being four, they will hopefully have some opinions on the best possible way he can go about that. 

Happy Birthday, Toby.

Four.

Here we go...

An Opportunity to Poke Fun at My Husband

Opportunities to make fun of Kevin don't come often, people. 

I'm taking advantage.

You know those marriages where the wife is always right? And the husband expects this? And then everyone is happy?

I didn't end up in one of those marriages.

We are both opinionated, stubborn, head-strong people, well-educated, as well as smart within our particular areas of expertise. With Kevin, if you are playing an updated version of Trivial Pursuit with pop culture questions you will totally need him on your team to answer anything that comes up about hip hop or rap. Meanwhile if you need a Gilmore Girls or Jane Austen novel expert, I'm the one to come to.

In those areas, we bow to the other's authority.

In many, many others we butt beads.

I knew I was in trouble when, while we were engaged and picking out our first set of bedding, Kevin had an opinion! And, like, vetoed stuff I wanted. Um, as the female don't all the decorating and design choices automatically fall to me? Apparently not. (Although, in this house I did get him to agree to a lavender-walled master bedroom and that's something, I think.)

He disagrees with how I cut tomatoes and loves to make fun of how I eat corn on the cob.

I'm a little hen-pecked, I tell ya. Or in this case I guess it would be rooster-pecked?

But I'm a strong woman and I use my middle finger a lot, so it's all good.

(Gasp. A missionary wife did NOT just write that.)

Ok, so on with my little window of opportunity to make fun of Mr. Always Right.

Last night we went to our First St. Lucie Mets game as a family of five. Kevin has taken Kaden and Blue many times, but it was mine and Toby's first go. Of course Toby fell asleep on the way there. Of course he did.

So... I pulled up and let out the biggest three boys. Kevin, upon getting out, instructed me to, "Look for them at third base around the second level." No problem. I've been in this stadium many times dropping off and picking up Kaden from baseball camp. I know where third base is. I proceed to park, wake up Toby, deal with his I've-been-woken-up grumpiness, feed him a little dinner (we ate Tropical Smoothie wraps while he was asleep), and get him going.  

We walked up and skipped the entrance that would have dropped us over first base, gave our three extra tickets away and continued to pacify the growing anxiety of my three-year-old. After a stop at the potty we headed over to third base and started looking. And we kept looking. And kept looking. 

I told Toby we are looking for Daddy and Kaden and Blue and he wanted to find them and I can tell, I can feel, that his anxiety is growing because we haven't found the. Plus noise and people and smells and... we need to hurry up and find them. He's getting too big for it, but I held Toby on one hip (because at this point if I let him walk he'd be throwing himself to the ground) and manage to fish out my phone from my Rhode-Island-sized purse.

Me: We're at third base. Where are you?

He: We're here. Just look around.

Me: We have been looking around. Toby's getting anxious. WHERE ARE YOU?

He: (With that you-are-being-stupid edge to his voice) Do you even know where third base is?

Me: YES I KNOW WHERE THIRD BASE IS!

He... He who played t-ball and then baseball for... forever. He who played intermural softball at UF on a team that won National Champs. He who is currently assisting his oldest son's baseball team. He said (After a moment of silence where he inevitably mourned his own stupid mistake.): I meant first base.

Me: I am SO making fun of you for this.

And because I also know where first base is, we walked right over to them, but luckily, on the way, I passed someone Kevin works with and got my very first chance to tell the story.

Justice.

And then we were together.

To watch baseball. (And see... SEE where this picture was taken. Above FIRST base.)

No, we weren't really there to watch baseball. Apparently we were there to let the boys run around at the top of the stadium and stress this mama out that they might be hit by a foul ball.

I felt better when they sat under here:

We also met Klutch.

Danced to the music:

And stayed to the very end, a first for Kevin, Kaden and Blue, but good because then the kids got to get on the field and run the bases.

The final score ended up with the Mets falling to the Palm Beach Cardinals. Booooooo!

But, it ended up being a successful night. New experience for Toby. Fun for Kaden and Blue and ammo in my arsenal for when Kevin critiques my tomato cutting. No fingers will be raised. I'll just smile and say, "At least I know where third base is."

Marriage. Fun stuff.

It's Time for High Locks

Last night, around 2am, as a wide awake and obviously bored Toby lay on his bed kicking the wall I listened to the thuds from across the house and thought - it's time to put high locks on the doors.

Who me? Cause problems? Never!

Toby is usually a good sleeper, but for the past two weeks he has been falling asleep around his usual time of 8pm and then waking up between midnight and two am and staying awake for two to three hours before crashing again and sleeping through till late morning. When he wakes up he usually comes into my room, up to my side of the bed, and says, "Mommy! Mommy Wake Up!" as though he's excited to announce that our middle-of-the-night secret playtime has arrived, so let's get to it!

I do not share his enthusiasm. 

Instead I get up, grab his hand, and march him back to his bed. Sometimes I crawl in with him and cuddle for a bit, sometimes I just pull up his covers and mumble a grumpy, "It's night night time. Stay in bed."

I usually get up one or two more times throughout the course of his nighttime party either because he is getting so loud playing in his room I worry he'll wake his brothers or because he's come back out for me. The rest of the time I try to stay in bed, ignore him, and sleep. Kevin is a master at this. Me? Notsomuch.

I'm tired. I should sleep.

But...

What if Toby got into the kitchen and uh, decided to start cooking?

What if he went in the garage to check on the dog and then well, he's in the garage. The garage that stores saws and ant killer and all sorts of other potentially child endangering things.

What if he goes outside?

A friend from the Fragile X community recently posted on facebook that her FX son was kind enough to show her he can now do the locks of their front foor. He showed her this because she entered an empty room with a front door left wide open. Luckily he'd just gone to the neighbor's, but...

whatifwhatifwhatifwhatifwhatifwhatifwhatifwhatifwhatifwhatif

Toby will be four this month. He's tall. He drops clearer, fuller sentences more and more often. He knows his shapes, colors, and letters and sometimes he'll even comply with telling you what he knows. He's growing more clever. Capable of opening locks clever.

He's never done any of the above maybe only because he's never been interested in any of the above. But... whatif. 

We are in the process of planning our second visit to a Fragile X clinic with Toby. Right now it looks like we'll head down on his birthday - May 23rd. It will be an expensive day for us because (long story short) we pay every cent of it out of pocket, but we haven't been down since he was 18 months old and as he is older and closer to "real" school age we'd like a little more direction in devising his plan. Also, we're ready to start the meds conversation.

And the school year is winding down. We're about one month out of Toby finishing his first school experience - every day ESE pre-school in the afternoon class. A school year that, for Toby, began in October after everyone on the IEP team agreed that a few appointments of speech and OT a week weren't cutting it. A school year that started with much anxiety throw-up and a nervous stomach causing diaper blow-outs even though he was heading off to a class with only three other little boys.

Get in the van and go to school you say? No, I'm pretty sure I can get past you with my ninja moves.

Now instead of refusing to get out of the van and throwing up, he rushes off to greet one of his nine other classmates (including two girls!). Now he's potty trained (with your typical Fragile X caveats) and 9 days out of 10 comes home in the same clothes he left the house in. Now he's used to structure and demands so he's ready for next year - the full day ESE pre-school class.

Oh ok. "I coming. I coming!"

But in between?

Nothing.

So I'm sucking up the fact we are going to have shell out some serious cash to keep him in services this summer. Last summer it wasn't even an option because we traveled so much. Between trips I think we managed to fit in three or four speech and OT appointments. Over the entire summer. This year it has to be different. As he gets older the gap between his capabilities and his peers widens. 

I have to remind myself this - that these gaps and tests and measurements mean something to someone somewhere. I have to make the concerted effort to be proactive because, well, I adore Toby as he is. Kevin adores Toby as he is. Kaden and Blue seemingly adore Toby as he is.

He's incredible fun and I'm happy for him to be his own unique and quirky version of what it means to be human.

But... I'm his mom. Biased. (Deluded?) And where I may be less interested in him keeping someone else's test-established "pace," I know it is important his world be opened, opportunities presented, and Toby brought forth at his best and most engaged.

When he is so anxious he cannot simply play on a playground with his peers - this is not bringing Toby forth at his best and most engaged. Usually he can, but sometimes he can't and I have a scratch on my arm from last week to prove it.

Yesterday I watched my friends son, a boy only two months older than Toby, return magnetic building pieces to their box. It dawned on me that Toby couldn't do this simple task - not because it would be physically too hard and not because he wouldn't grasp the concept of cleaning up and putting something away. Toby wouldn't be able to do it because there were so many pieces. He would put one or two pieces away then be overcome with the impulse to throw the box in the air. Or he would put a few more pieces away and then madly shove around the remaining pieces across the room, the sheer number of them an overwhelming presence. Yup, kinda weird. But that's just Toby, shrugs this mom. Except... I know we can expect more. Hand over hand... accomplishing tasks until they are rote and absolutely not overwhelming no matter the number of pieces. 

Oh and I kinda have to admit, Toby wouldn't be able to do it because it isn't expected.

He's uh, maybe a wee bit babied.

What if he weren't?

And what if there's something medical to soften the distracting buzz that is Toby's brain roaring through life without the white noise filter we neuro-typicals take for granted? I imagine tasks would prove less taxing.

Teeth brushing was a near impossible task, but it has become an accepted part of the routine because we have just that - a routine. Mommy gets to brush his teeth first while counting (very slowly) to ten. He knows the end is coming at the 10 count and he can wait that out.  Then it gets to be his turn. Every time the same. What was once a problem now works fine. Expectation met.

It's time to raise the expectations. Toby can be the baby of the family, without being treated like a baby.

It's time to suck up that his "plan" may cost us more money.

It's time to see where medicine can fit into the picture of all of the above.

And so... we're heading to Miami. I'm weighing the pros and cons of a few different summer camps and crunching the numbers of having him enrolled somewhere at least a few days EVERY WEEK through the summer.

Whatever is around this corner is a little scarier, a little harder, but also, possibly, a whole lot better?

We'll be mindful of the necessary precautions as Toby's capabilities grow (high locks!), but it's time to be proactive in getting to whatever is next.

Yawn. Just as soon as I go get some caffeine. 

That! Grin! (Always up to no good)

Marching Right Along

March!

What a month!

I'm not going to say it's been busy. To me busy infers hectic, frazzled. Our March has not been these things.

But it has been full.

And looking back over the month I am especially grateful that Toby has kept pace. He has his moments, and we have to build in our accommodations, but we don't mind accommodating. I don't even get the impression that Kaden and Blue mind it. That's just our Toby. He has moments and more often then not I (armed with snack or juice) can bring him down out of the moments or sometimes we leave things early. Eh. It happens.

But I can't think of anything we've had to leave early. I can think of a few moments where I've gone off to the side and pulled Toby in close to my lap or strapped him down in the stroller and once I've made his space small and manageable again then, pretty quickly,... he's back. Wanting out, ready to go back to the fun.

About that fun...

On the 1st we headed to Miami for the Fragile X 5k and a weekend with my dad where we did a whole lot more than just the 5k. The afternoon after the run/walk we headed over to Bill Baggs Cape Florida State Park. The lighthouse there was built in 1825 and reconstructed in 1846. It's the oldest standing structure in Miami-Dade County.

Aw. Toby wasn't tall enough to go up.

There he is with Daddy while the rest of us were at the top. Ok, let's try that again zoomed in...

And the next day we hit up the zoo.

First time touching a rhino. Super cool.

Then, March 7th, came Kaden's birthday and the next day we were off to Legoland with my mom.

From there we continued on to Tampa where boat day fun and more birthday celebrations awaited.

The twins got a tire swing for their birthday!

Kevin and our youngest niece, Stella.

Cousin fun - trying out the new trampoline together.

A cake for Kevin, Kaden, Chloe and Colton - the March Stratton birthdays!

But we had at-home fun too. Like a little shamrock painting sesh...

Mom - if I just press them all together it goes faster.

Toby and I did all the painting and then the big boys did most of the cutting and then... happy green-ness which we hung all over the kitchen. 

(Walls and pantry door - but how many pics do you need really?)

And then Kevin's birthday came around and we hosted a dinner that was not a birthday party - just a dinner on a birthday :-) with three other families. We were expecting a bunch of kids and it was the day before St. Paddy's so I added green sand to the sandbox.

I was so busy that this is the only picture I took.

But Kevin was celebrated - promise.

Meanwhile there's also been baseball...

Bunnies...

Blue being Blue... (which often keeps things full and hectic and frazzled)

(More) Birthday party fun... (This time celebrating our friend, Ayden turning 4)

It was a camping theme and I scored the centerpiece log for the party hostess. Saw it while jogging. I may not be losing any weight, so at least it's nice to know my regular excercising is good for something!

This was right after singing. Toby got excited and ran outside but then he kept saying, "Happy Birthday" from here. So friggin' cute.

Momma's boy for sure.

And for the rest of the month -  Spring Break.

Which we spent playground hopping, 

having friends over,

and riding ponies.

Ok. Same pony, but multiple times going out to ride.

And... traditional Easter shenanigans:

Here our eggs are vibrantly colored but then... we tried out an idea of putting food coloring on whip cream and rubbing them around on the eggs for added color.

Caught!

Pretty much we made our eggs uglier, but they boys had fun doing it.

And now today, on the last day of the month... we're off to a hunt.

If Blue reads two books today he will have filled every single line on his monthly reading log for the first time this school year. The books I get him keep getting longer, but he's loving it.

No pictures of that.

And no pictures of our discussions of Palm Sunday, Holy Week, Passover, The Last Supper, Judas, crucifixion, and life. Eternal life.

No pictures of bike rides and wiffle ball in the backyard.

Or surprisingly chilly mornings where I, yet again, drank my "last" hot chocolate until next winter.

Small moments. Big family events.

Full.

(Go, Gators! Elite 8 here we come!)

Fragile X Families in South Florida

March 2nd was the Families for Fragile X "5k and Circus Walk" in Key Biscayne/Miami. My dad came too and we turned it into a weekend heading down Friday evening and coming back Sunday after spending most of the day at Zoo Miami.

For us this event was a priority, so much so that Kevin even got special permission to miss MFI's annual Family Day which was held on the same Saturday. 

The only FX clinic for Florida is in Miami. This is also the location of the only offical group in Florida for Fragile X families. It's a two-hour drive for us, but we're trying to stay connected as best we can. 

I'd love to see FX families in the Treasure Coast organized. I put something together in November and it ended up being us and two other families. I meant to do something in January but... it didn't happen and wow, is it March already? Oops. Will pick that ball back up soon. (I will!) And if something could get started in Tampa (we managed a park day with a Tampa FX family last November too) we'd be up for connecting with them (we're over there enough!) but for now, Miami's what we got.

Toby came over and had this to add: jh=poiii.f

The group did an amazing job generating publicity and raising FX awareness before the event. (Go here, here, and here for some of that coverage. Or better yet, "like" Families for Fragile X" on facebook and srcoll through recent postings.) And yes, this is also the organization that hosted the International Fragile X Conference last July. They have some serious energy down there. Maybe it's the salsa. 

As for our participation. We had fun. We ran, we walked, and we raised some money.

I did the 5k without Kaden because he was getting over a cold. I learned the hard way that my flat, paved neighborhood runs were not good prep for that rocky, hilly (yes, in Florida, so not like big hills, more like small bumps designed for mountain bikers which I think is the primary function of that trail) terrain. But hey, I finished and my scrapes and bruises are pretty much healed now. Then the rest of our crew showed up and we all walked the 1 mile "Circus Walk" together.

Toby's Team:

Toby liked his "walk in the woods." (That's what he always says if we go for a walk anywhere that's not paved.)

And before and after the walk there were bounce houses and clowns and other circusy things!

Great work, Families for Fragile X. 

5k! Circus Walk! (And some March birthday gift ideas.)

Um, what is a circus walk? 

If your answer is any walk in which my family participates, then you are probably right, but I don't think that's what they mean.

On March 2nd our clan of five plus Poppy (my dad) will be participating in the Families for Fragile X Trail Run and Circus Walk. Their website describes the circus walk part of things as having "challenges along the trail to engage kids of all ages."

What do you think? Should we dress Blue up as a clown?

I'll take it under consideration, but if you get us a clown wig then it will be SO done. After all you did raise $165 in honor of Blue back when it was his birthday. He owes you all some good pictures.

Remember that? In lieu of gifts? 

Well, we have have more birthdays coming up. Kevin and Kaden are my March birthday boys.

Wanna get Kaden a birthday gift? 

How about Kevin?

Kaden is not having a party this year (incidentally neither is Kevin). He chose instead to have a Lego-land day. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't love an "in lieu of" present. 

Whatdoyasay $9 in honor of Kaden turning nine?

OR (and?) in honor of Kevin you could give $36. (Although that's just an arbitrary number.)

Birthday magic in the form of donations can happen here.

To read more about the walk (or to register and JOIN US!!!!) go here.

Celebrating birthdays and helping advance awareness and research for Fragile X to benefit Toby.

Win - win!

35 January Gifts for 35 Years of Me

For me the new year starts January 5th. That's my birthday. MY new year. So I always give myself till then before I feel as though I need to have set some goals for the year, clean up the house (mostly) from Christmas, and finally feel ready to move forward with the post-holiday, less-sugar, back-to-normal diet, because ya know, I have to wait till after the birthday cake is gone.

And so, January 6th is when I started this post, but alas, finishing up my 2012 album, more organizing around the house, a church project, getting the kids back into the school routine, and... no blogging, so I took ten days to come back to it and another few to finish. Whew.

Last year I started my year off by reading Ann Voskamp's 1,000 Gifts. This year a friend and I are planning on getting together once a week to go through the study guide for this book just as soon as we get them ordered and in! (Details!) In the meantime, we did meet once and went for a pedicure - that's close right?

In 2012 I didn't end up being very good at my written list toward 1,000 thanks inspiring things, but I still had a much better perspective, moving forward through the days and months in a more positive way. 

I have a long way to go.

Time to start over. Time to refocus. Time to linger, to acknowledge again the things I've been noticing that have filled my heart, fuelled or refuelled when tedium or irritation encroached.

So here are my first 35 (because of the new 35-Year-Old Me) gifts at the start of this year...

1. January beach days and large clam shells, cockles and carditas, white, gray and red in abundance, perfect for decorating our sand sculptures.

2. Beautiful, magical novels. I have started this year off by finishing a fantastic novel and reading another, with a powerful memoir consumed in between.

3. Brave parents who bravely tell their stories. I read January First. I started it in car line on a Tuesday and I finished before I was back in car line on Wednesday. 

4. Animated book groups to discuss such books. (Love our little Meet-Ups.)

5. Speaking of parents who bravely tell their stories, my friend Rebecca, who I've mentioned a few times here, has jumped into the blogosphere with amazing perspective and inspiration. Read her at See Luminosity.

6. Birthdays with Donna. We have known each other since the second grade and we have the same birthday, our entry into the world separated by twelve hours, and we often have shared that birthday together. (Perhaps more often than not, but we've never stopped to make a chart or anything.)

Here we are at 15:
 

Here we are at 21:

Here we are, college roommates, sipping champagne from crystal flutes, and that was it for our 21st birthday imbibing. Nope. We weren't your typical college ladies!

Here we are at 35:

After dinner and game night fun!

7. Birthdays with Kevin. This year we dropped the kids off at my mom's, went out to lunch, went to see Les Miserables, and then went to Donna's for dinner and game night.  A good birthday. My first birthday with him was January 5th, 2000 when I turned 22. Apparently I had a party in my college apartment because this is in my scrapbook, but what I remember in better detail is that over the holiday break we went up to Virginia so I could visit a friend and he could continue on to some ski slopes. During the trip I got my presents - he had planned it so that I had one to open every time we crossed a state line.   

8. Toby's new words. Whenever I hear Toby use a word for a first time it always surprises me what he's paying attention to. The other day he called me "Feedra." Another time he saw Cinderella and said, "princess." Of all the words to have picked up!

9. Neighbors. I love that our new kids have really taken to our new neighbors across the street. Kaden is always asking to go over and see them and their dogs. They, ready for grandchildren, but without any in sight, seem to enjoy the kiddo distraction.

I love that when we are playing in the front yard and "Mrs. Kathy" another neighbor is walking her dog, she always stops and chats and lets the boys visit with her dog. (She too has grown kids my age but no grandchildren.)

I love that I have a neighbor I carpool with, so she drives kids to school every morning and I pick up every afternoon.

I love that the girl next door will ring our bell and just hang out and play.

I love that I may finally get to know a family I've been meaning to get to know (We've said high on walks - we see them at the ball field because their who is Kaden's age plays too.) because I just rang their doorbell to invite them over. It didn't work out that day but we chatted and exchanged numbers.

10. The occasional good parenting moment. I'm thankful for the day when I didn't get mad or yell or start revoking privileges when children would not listen, would not follow through, would not stay to the task and instead we played a Simon Says-ish listening game showing the boys that the can listen that they can obey quickly. What could have been just another lecture was fun. The point still got across.

11. Cuteness. I'm not sure where he picked it up, but Toby has started to say, "I am a robot," in a robot voice and move his arms stiffly. 

12. Junk = cash. Many months ago I cleaned out my jewelery box and threw some old tangled necklaces and bracelets and ugly earrings in a bag. This week I finally brought that bag to a place that buys gold. Walked out with three crisp $100 bills. 

13. Kevin's hard work. Every time I go over to the house we bought to renovate I get prouder and prouder of my husband. He. Did. So. Much. Work. Look at this kitchen! He did it all himself! Seriously. He ripped out everything that was once there and started over. This kitchen alone makes me wonder if we should change the plan, sell our house and move here.

14. Boys playing basketball. 

This is Kaden's second year playing Upward Basketball and Blue's first go at being a baller. Two games in and so far so good. Coach Dad (yup, Kevin is coaching both their teams) seems to be having fun with it too.

15. Service. After the boys' games on Saturday we headed up to MFI because they were hosting a Feed My Starving Children event in the hangar. Loved seeing the hustle and bustle of so many happily filling food bags during their shift. And we put Kaden to work while we were there.

16. A new call. We are excited for our pastor and his family as they dream big, step out of his salaried church-staff position to a support-salary (like us) and follow the call to serve Haiti through Northwest Christian Haiti Mission. John writes more about this new role here.

17. Change. We love LifeQuest, our local church, and we are excited that the church voted to continue after John announced his stepping-down (see above!) even though this reality left it without any staff and the church is facing challenging financial difficulties. That said, Kevin and I feel that this time of transition and change is also the right time for us to transition and change. We will be searching for a new church. Part of me dreads this. To break from a body of believers we have known and grown with for two+ years. We've never left a church for any reason other than the fact that we've moved out of state and even then, we haven't really left those churches. I refer to Winter Park Baptist as my North Carolina church and LifePoint as my Texas church. But. We're in agreement it's time to move on. Even without a clear sense of what church God is calling us to partner with, I'm excited about the change knowing that new dreams will be realized on the other side.

18. Toby's come so far. I'm thankful when I stop to think about how far Toby has come since this summer when he was an anxious, hyper-aroused mess. Maybe it's structure. Maybe it's the increase in his communication skills. Maybe he's maturing. Maybe... it's a combination of all those things and something I'm overlooking as well, but he's potty trained! He's doing fine with his afternoon school hours and dropping his nap! We've had no problems with the transition to a big boy bed! Looking back over this first 20 things in this post, it's clear that Fragile X doesn't slow us down!

But it does make us different.

I've been thinking about this post which addressed the question, "Can people with Fragile X have a normal life?" 

On Saturday we had back to back basketball games, then we spent about an hour at MFI, then we had a quick stop at Walmart and then we headed to Chipotle for lunch where Toby promptly broke down because they accidentally put hot salsa in the veggie bowl he and I were sharing instead of mild. After all of the above, there was no bringing him back. So I grabbed him and the car keys and rapidly fled the premises. In the van, I urged him to chug water and gave him a few fruit bars to get the spice out of his mouth. He calmed down, stripped naked, and proceeded to play. Fine. I sat in the front and played on my phone. So that was our family. Three in the restaurant, finishing up. Two in the van - one of whom had stripped naked. That's probably not normal. But it's so not a big deal. When the big boys finished they brought me my food and some plain beans and rice for Toby to eat at home and on we went with our day.

Fragile X makes our road bumpier at times, but at this age I can confidently say that Toby is living a mostly normal childhood punctuated  by quirks, good and bad, and that's ok.

19. Just one of the boys... At a party last Sunday.

20.  Our 2012 Family Album came!

21. Blue's smile when I pick him up from school at the end of the day. There is no face. Just smile.

22. Silliness. Toby will break out into "This is Halloween" (From Nightmare before Christmas - I had it on a play list I played in October) at any given moment. This song, over all the carols of Christmas, is what rattles and lingers in his little brain. Makes me laugh.

23. Stars. I was outside so briefly one night (car to house) but the stars demanded my attention.

24. Fresh mint and basil always available in an earth box beside the house.

25. Waking up to brother noise. Ok, this depends on the brother noise, but one day last week the littlest had climbed into bed with the biggest and it was pretty stinkin' cute.

26. Friends! Plans working out! Some day last week Blue came home with a slip announcing Thursday to be Twin Day, so I asked him who he wanted to be his twin. I wrote a note for that boy's parents and sent it to school with Blue instructing him to pass it along. The mom actually called. And we coordinated for our boys to be twins. And our boys were the only ones cool enough to have an in-class twin (others twinned up with siblings in other grades.) 

27. New friends made in unexpected ways. 

28. The stubbornness of the tomato plant we thought done, stopped watering, but still produces.

29. The sweet patience of our old dog.

30. Downton Abbey. (Could there be any doubt I'd be a fan?) At the end of Episode 2, Season 3 I both laughed and cried at Mr. Carson's adorable reaction to Mrs. Hughes news of good health.

31. Boys who play outside ALL DAY because after our snow day, when there was no snow, just gorgeous Florida weather, that's where they wanted to be. 

32. Legos. The boys will be underfoot. The boys will be fighting. The boys will be ON MY LAST NERVE and then I can say, "Go make (insert made-up lego assignment here)." And... quiet. It's incredible really.

33. A love note. 

34. Cooking and not cooking. I love trying new recipes, having the kids love them and feeling as though we're all eating well and healthy without compromising on flavor, (Here's an example of a current family fave.) but at the same time I love having a night off from cooking because I'm going to book group and Kevin says he'll make frozen pizzas or my mom drops off a batch of lentil soup because she doesn't know how to cook for one person.  

35. Dreams. I can't call my hopes for this year goals. I don't have measurable, practical plans. A continuation of old dreams, tenuous ideas I hope will grow and make something of themselves. Too big to share. Too big to let go.

Of course there are more, just days into the year and already so full! Thankful for the fullness, praying it doesn't distract from reflection, overburden or frazzle, but remains simply... full, a cup ready to overflow, and that goodness and love will continue to follow our family as we dwell in the house of the Lord eah of the days of our new year. (Psalm 23: 5-6)

The Fourth Sunday - Peace

I contributed to the Advent guide created by our North Carolina church. I was assigend the passage of Revelation 21:1-7 and then asked to write my thoughts on it. We have had an advent wreath in our house going back as long as I can remember and yet never before THIS Christmas has the coming, the advent, ever applied to anything but baby Jesus' birth. Now I realize it is just as much about longing for the SECOND coming. It's been a welcome change of focus. 

Here's that Bible passage followed by my thoughts...

21 Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ² I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bridebeautifully dressed for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

⁵ He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

⁶ He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega,the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. ⁷ Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

A new heaven. A new earth. No more pain. No more suffering. God with us, readily supplying water of life.

What a vision.

We love the new. Freshly fallen snow, Ok maybe not here, but… somewhere, a new snow, unblemished by tracks. Newly washed sheets returned to the bed. A new package, shiny and perfect, the mystery of its contents a gift before the gift. A newborn life with his perfectly sweet breath. A new day that, no matter our yesterdays, comes with the promise of mercy beginning afresh.

We love the new baby, born to a virgin, laid in a manger, worshipped by magi. To celebrate when this new mercy came down we transform our houses into a new vision, one of shiny lights and ornamented trees. We deliberate and plan for what new thing will be most loved by those we love as we check off the names on our shopping list.

But in this world, our “new” things become blemished, run-down, and broken. Snow becomes muddy, salted piles alongside the roads. Babies become third graders who grumble about homework (Hmmmm. Why is this the example that comes to my mind?) and teenagers who won’t abide curfew. Lights come off the houses, nativities get boxed away, and the new year’s challenges prove daunting.

But that is the least of our troubles.

I mourn with a friend whose four-year-old nephew died last week from an inoperable, malignant brain tumor. I continue mourn with friends who, this summer, said goodbye to their infant son, born on a Tuesday but rejoined with the Lord on Friday. We all continued to mourn with Newtown.

I seek God’s face when I watch my youngest son, a three year old who should simply be overjoyed by each day’s new discoveries, (Bugs! Trucks! Mud!) but instead, often experiences anxiety so tangibly he vomits. Because of one faulty gene on his X Chromosome shutting off a necessary protein, he suffers a whole list of symptoms, and we have no idea if he’ll be able to graduate high school or ever live on his own.

It will all pass away.

The struggles and pain of the first earth give way to our new inheritance, where tears, once wiped away by God himself, will never find reason to return.

We caught a glimpse when heaven, embodied in Jesus, came down. We have read his stories of healing and provision, the storms of life calmed. We have claimed our complete forgiveness in Christ, but we still suffer the reality of life on an imperfect earth.

So we celebrate the first coming of Christ while longingly anticipating his second. Advent merges into a holy tension of the satisfied seeking even more. From John’s vision in Revelation we still anticipate the full restoration, the final healing, the ultimate peace.

The Annual Christmas Letter and Picture

If you don't get our Christmas letter and picture in the mail, here's the cyber version. And although you won't be getting the official MFI newsletter and additional pics you get extra commentary.

I remember, before we had kids, always taking so much time picking out my holiday cards, but since the arrival of Kaden we've fallen into the picture-as-card crowd, and it's way more work. Find someone to take the pic, schedule the pic, pick and/or buy the clothes, take the pics, if the pic's came out like last year's re-take the pics... because in this century if it has to do with Christmas it must become as complicated and tedious as possible, right? 

Anyway, big thanks to our sister-in-law, Marissa, for being part of the Christmas card photo craziness for us this year. The weekend before Thanksgiving we were in Tampa for Tampa Thanksgiving and scheduled a time to take the pic. We went to Kevin's high school, HIllsborough (c/o '95!), because it's a Gothic building, almost 100 years old and figured we'd end up with some pretty backdrops. We brought candy canes so the kids would have something to hold. (Um yeah, those were all broken after like 5 minutes.) We yelled at Blue every other second to LOOK AT THE CAMERA WITH YOUR EYES because he's that kid who will smile toward the camera and look somewhere else. Oh and we did this pre-dinner, the time of day when Toby is the most tired and cranky. 

Tis the season for ridiculous plans.

So, out of 1.278 million pictures (or something like that), we found about 10 that worked. 

And of those ten we narrowed it down to one.

One that Kevin still didn't like because it's obvious his shirt is too big. 

DON'T GET ME STARTED ON KEVIN'S SHIRT.

Oh, ok. You know I want to explain.

The color combo for this pic started with my dress purchase in early October when I was supposed to be finding ONE dress for an upcoming date night, I ended up with a dress for said date night and a dress for the Christmas season. THAT's a productive shopping trip.

I went through everyone's closet for coordinating clothes and then I shopped again to fill in the gaps. I TOLD Kevin that he'd be wearing his silver shirt unless he wanted me to get him something else. I also told him I wanted to buy him darker jeans.

He said no and no.

But from the time he put that shirt on to the time he saw the pictures to even when we ordered the pictures all I heard about was that shirt and how big it was and why didn't I get him something that fit?

Never mind that it is SO annoying that the problem is his clothes are all too BIG. Because somehow the food I cook for both of us makes him skinny and me... not skinny.

Deep breaths.

Now you know the rest of the story. (And may want to pray for our marriage.)

Oh right and here's the annual letter. (My shortest one yet! Maybe next year I'll just do a haiku!)

 “And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.” (Luke 2:28)

Just doing their usual thing, those shepherds. Working, playing with new apps on their iphones chatting about the day’s events, concerns for the flock. Maybe they lazily tossed rocks or watched for shooting stars… Then. An angel.

Just like that. From common to holy, average to miraculous.

Every time I read the story it blows me away.

Because in our current life of potty training and homework and BLUE STRATTON! STOP THAT!, and should I try that new Pinterest recipe tonight? and, and, and… It’s easy to forget the holy and the miracle.

Heaven came down. The shepherds were told where to find him, that piece of heaven, a swaddled baby, asleep in a trough. And now, stay-at-home-moms and teachers and pilots and business folks and pastors and doctors and accountants and lunch ladies… They can still go to the same place to see heaven, to find their miracle, to allow it to rupture their mundane.

That is Christmas.

No wonder we get so excited. We slather everything in holly and ornaments because things are different! We light our houses and our trees because He lit up our world! At least that’s the root of it, right? It gets a little muddled with Santa and elves on shelves and shopping lists, doesn’t it? Be spirited, have fun, but don’t let it get muddled. Please. It’s just too powerful of a message.

The Strattons had a fantastic year. We traveled. We had parties. We had fun family days where we kayaked or visited the zoo or an aquarium. We watched our 2^nd grader move up to third and become a better baseball player particularly on the pitcher’s mound. We watched our pre-schooler graduate one program and then begin kindergarten! Where he reads! And sometimes comes home with a smiley face in his daily agenda! We watched our “baby” turn three. We attended the National Fragile X Conference in Miami to learn how best to help this baby as he continues to grow and show us just how non-fragile and non-limited he can be. We also watched this baby start an afternoon pre-school program. (Sigh.) We embraced a Narnia theme for Halloween. We took on an investment property for extra income. We have taught and sang and served in our church. We have tried to be neighborly and shine God’s light in our community. We have come so far. We have a long way to go.

We were able to see so many of you this summer as we came through Louisiana, Texas, Tennessee, and the Carolinas. Some friends we hadn’t seen in two years and yet we were able to pick up right where we’d left off. The encouragement from those experiences still linger.  

Thank you for walking this journey with us. We are blessed.

Blue's Birthday, Giving Tuesday, and Toby the Potty Training Rock Star

Yes, it all ties together.

Blue:


Blue will be six on Saturday. Four was Blue's worst year (defiant peeing). Five has been Blue's best. That kid has had like three weeks in a row with smiley faces every day in his school agenda, and he is becoming a little reading maniac which I so love.

He still drives me crazy oh, 92% of the time, but that's down so far from 100% of the time just a year ago! I'm a little nervous about a birthday coming up when 5 has been so good to us. What if his deviant behaviors are saved for the even years? Now that I think about it 2 was worse than 3. Oh no...

But we'll be celebrating. And we're excited. The rest of the world may be putting up their trees and other holiday decor but that is not going to happen until AFTER all the little ninjas with their spinjitzu moves have moved on from the party at my house this Saturday.

Blue chose a Ninjago theme. (Ninjago = ninjas meet legos.)

Blue had never even seen an episode of Ninjago. He's never put together a Ninjago lego kit.  But he knows that Kaden reads Ninjago books, books that are still too hard for Blue to read so therefor it's in the realm of the unknown and absolutely the coolest thing ever.

Which is great because I can do whatever I want for this party and Blue won't know if it has anything to do with Ninjago or not! 

Except, no. Instead I'm becoming the Ninjago expert, totally wearing out its wiki page as I finalize details. Yup. I'm a dork.

Meanwhile... items in the house are being transformed.

The seahorse on the right quickly become a red ninja after the picture was taken. The huge, colorful palm tree painting you see when you walk into our house - it's now a black ninja. That's only the beginning, people. 

And this relates to giving Tuesday because... we don't do presents at our birthday parties. Instead we pick a charity and this year Blue chose raising money for the 5k and Family Fun Walk we'll be doing with Families for Fragile X in Miami on March 2nd. Our whole family is already registered. We'll have Kaden and I running the 5k and Kevin, Blue, Toby, and hopefully my dad walking. To register everyone it cost us almost $100... so that's our contribution, but we'd love to raise more! 

So, on this "giving Tuesday" would you give Blue a birthday present? Would you sponsor him in his first walkathon, a walkathon that will raise money for Fragile X research and awareness?  Just go here! I'd love to show Blue, on his birthday, a happily little scrolling list of all those who heeded his request to sponsor him.

Yes?

Please?

Toby being a potty training rock star doesn't really fit in, except that he is. ZERO accidents all day today. And that should be celebrated. So, go sponsor Blue AND Toby who will be walking that walk IN UNDERWEAR.