groundspeed

Third Grade, You Will Not Be Missed.

Today is the last day of school.

This hasn't been the best school year for Kaden.

Or me.

Or my pride. 

You know all those end-of-the-year pictures proud parents are posting of their kids holding up certificates and medals. That is totally awesome. Unfortunately... none of that is going on over here for the oldest. No honor roll. No citizenship award for good conduct. But we're still celebrating, but we are celebrating that THIRD GRADE IS OVER. BY THE HAIR ON OUR CHINNY CHINNY CHIN, WE PASSED, SO SEE YA LATER SUCKAS.

We celebrated when D's became C's so finally, finally he'd be off restriction. 

We celebrated that he passed the FCAT. Never mind the score. He passed. Don't look back. It. was. OVER.

There was a behavioral issue early in the year where home-schooling may possibly have been used as a threat. Later in the year when NOT passing reading or the FCAT were serious possibilities we had many conversations about moving him to private school and repeating third grade with different material in a new environment.

It is hard to have these conversations when, for yourself and your husband, school was easy. Awards racked up. Standardized tests were no big deal.

Ha.

Sigh.

Tears.

You think you're smart and then you get married to a guy you KNOW is smart, so you imagine how fun it will be to have smart babies. Oh the clever things they will say! Oh the funny ways they will entertain you! Oh how awesome it will be to watch their curious and creative minds master new subjects and develop interests and passions!

And then... because... life... you find yourself on a very different path. And nothing is a given.

Passing third grade was not a given.

Most days the new path is fine. Many days the new path is challenging in a good way. Some days the path is even a little... Exotic? Inspiring? Exciting? (Here's an exciting scenario: Let's see how Mommy does today on no sleep! When Child A hands her an F! And Child B screams and pulls on her while she's cooking dinner! And she discovers C has lied about his agenda report and really has quite the doozy of a note in there! If all this goes down within the same ten minute stretch, maybe her head will explode!) 

Adoption! Crazy genetics! Whoo!

Fine. School is hard, but can't we at least score a conduct award?

Christians kids do not put in zero effort and produce sloppy work. Christian kids do not give their teachers attitude. Christian kids do not lie. Christian kids no not stab classmates with pencils, hit classmates with backpacks, steal classmates' juice boxes, or look up girls' dresses. (Ok maybe I'm no longer talking about Kaden here.)

I feel like all the other Christian families are raising kids who do their work diligently, make honor roll, take violin, and ask their moms in super chipper voices, "Can we volunteer in a soup kitchen today!" but only when they aren't saying, "I want to send my allowance to Haitian children!" 

I feel like we are on the path that should produce such progeny. We sit down as a family for nightly dinner. We moniter television. We don't have a game system. We do fun family things like go to the beach and Disney and baseball games. We started off the school year with a Vacation Bible School where I was the music leader who got every kid in the room, including my own, to holler with deafening enthusiasm that they would, "SHINE GOD'S LIGHT!" Throughout the year, when either of my big two "made bad decisions" we talked about it in context of "shining God's light." All year long. We did this. Over and over. (And over.)

Oh and my kids can't send their allowance anywhere because they never earn their allowance. HOW HARD IS IT TO MAKE A FRIGGIN' BED?

We prayed before school. We prayed before bed. We discussed bible verses. We've had their butts in church. (But apparently, from the discussions in the car afterwards, we didn't always manage to get their heads there.)  

Check. Check. Checkity check.

There are no givens.

So this is a post for all the parents who are doing their best. Carrying on. Pinning their hearts out only to have pinterest fail after pinterest fail. 

I feel ya.

Here's the "summer bucket list" (Person who invented that term, don't come near me. Just don't.) for the kid who barely passed third grade:

1. Water balloons.

2. Beach Days.

3. Camps with water balloons and beach days.

****

Oh how I wish the list could end there. I do. I really do.

But we've got to gear up for fourth grade because rumor has it, these grades, they just get harder.

So there will also be...

4. A summer journal.

5. A summer reading list

6. Summer computer time logged into math programs

And oh... I may even have bought this to go through with the boys:

7.

Because I'm... Delusional? Psychotically optimistic? Trusting that if I remain consistent, keep the Word in their worlds, train them up in the way they should go... that no matter what path they choose for themselves I'm still going to get a, "Well done good and faithful servant."?

Yes.

The Annual Christmas Letter and Picture

If you don't get our Christmas letter and picture in the mail, here's the cyber version. And although you won't be getting the official MFI newsletter and additional pics you get extra commentary.

I remember, before we had kids, always taking so much time picking out my holiday cards, but since the arrival of Kaden we've fallen into the picture-as-card crowd, and it's way more work. Find someone to take the pic, schedule the pic, pick and/or buy the clothes, take the pics, if the pic's came out like last year's re-take the pics... because in this century if it has to do with Christmas it must become as complicated and tedious as possible, right? 

Anyway, big thanks to our sister-in-law, Marissa, for being part of the Christmas card photo craziness for us this year. The weekend before Thanksgiving we were in Tampa for Tampa Thanksgiving and scheduled a time to take the pic. We went to Kevin's high school, HIllsborough (c/o '95!), because it's a Gothic building, almost 100 years old and figured we'd end up with some pretty backdrops. We brought candy canes so the kids would have something to hold. (Um yeah, those were all broken after like 5 minutes.) We yelled at Blue every other second to LOOK AT THE CAMERA WITH YOUR EYES because he's that kid who will smile toward the camera and look somewhere else. Oh and we did this pre-dinner, the time of day when Toby is the most tired and cranky. 

Tis the season for ridiculous plans.

So, out of 1.278 million pictures (or something like that), we found about 10 that worked. 

And of those ten we narrowed it down to one.

One that Kevin still didn't like because it's obvious his shirt is too big. 

DON'T GET ME STARTED ON KEVIN'S SHIRT.

Oh, ok. You know I want to explain.

The color combo for this pic started with my dress purchase in early October when I was supposed to be finding ONE dress for an upcoming date night, I ended up with a dress for said date night and a dress for the Christmas season. THAT's a productive shopping trip.

I went through everyone's closet for coordinating clothes and then I shopped again to fill in the gaps. I TOLD Kevin that he'd be wearing his silver shirt unless he wanted me to get him something else. I also told him I wanted to buy him darker jeans.

He said no and no.

But from the time he put that shirt on to the time he saw the pictures to even when we ordered the pictures all I heard about was that shirt and how big it was and why didn't I get him something that fit?

Never mind that it is SO annoying that the problem is his clothes are all too BIG. Because somehow the food I cook for both of us makes him skinny and me... not skinny.

Deep breaths.

Now you know the rest of the story. (And may want to pray for our marriage.)

Oh right and here's the annual letter. (My shortest one yet! Maybe next year I'll just do a haiku!)

 “And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.” (Luke 2:28)

Just doing their usual thing, those shepherds. Working, playing with new apps on their iphones chatting about the day’s events, concerns for the flock. Maybe they lazily tossed rocks or watched for shooting stars… Then. An angel.

Just like that. From common to holy, average to miraculous.

Every time I read the story it blows me away.

Because in our current life of potty training and homework and BLUE STRATTON! STOP THAT!, and should I try that new Pinterest recipe tonight? and, and, and… It’s easy to forget the holy and the miracle.

Heaven came down. The shepherds were told where to find him, that piece of heaven, a swaddled baby, asleep in a trough. And now, stay-at-home-moms and teachers and pilots and business folks and pastors and doctors and accountants and lunch ladies… They can still go to the same place to see heaven, to find their miracle, to allow it to rupture their mundane.

That is Christmas.

No wonder we get so excited. We slather everything in holly and ornaments because things are different! We light our houses and our trees because He lit up our world! At least that’s the root of it, right? It gets a little muddled with Santa and elves on shelves and shopping lists, doesn’t it? Be spirited, have fun, but don’t let it get muddled. Please. It’s just too powerful of a message.

The Strattons had a fantastic year. We traveled. We had parties. We had fun family days where we kayaked or visited the zoo or an aquarium. We watched our 2^nd grader move up to third and become a better baseball player particularly on the pitcher’s mound. We watched our pre-schooler graduate one program and then begin kindergarten! Where he reads! And sometimes comes home with a smiley face in his daily agenda! We watched our “baby” turn three. We attended the National Fragile X Conference in Miami to learn how best to help this baby as he continues to grow and show us just how non-fragile and non-limited he can be. We also watched this baby start an afternoon pre-school program. (Sigh.) We embraced a Narnia theme for Halloween. We took on an investment property for extra income. We have taught and sang and served in our church. We have tried to be neighborly and shine God’s light in our community. We have come so far. We have a long way to go.

We were able to see so many of you this summer as we came through Louisiana, Texas, Tennessee, and the Carolinas. Some friends we hadn’t seen in two years and yet we were able to pick up right where we’d left off. The encouragement from those experiences still linger.  

Thank you for walking this journey with us. We are blessed.

Toby's School Transition

Do I really have to go in, Mommy? Can't I just stand here and clutch this rail?

Deep breaths.

Days 1 and 2 of school went great. Then Toby must have decided he was over it. 

We've had lots of quivering bottom lips and, "No, Mommy! No, Mommy!" as he clutches my legs or grabs my hand if I attempt to leave him.

Not to mention the anxiety throw up and uh, poop issues.

He's only come home in the same clothes he started in... once. They've gone ahead and asked me to keep TWO extra sets of clothes at school just in case.

Add to that the inevitable new school, new germs cold he caught and school is officially not fun.

Today begins week 3. 

It can't help that he starts off in the cafeteria. An insanely loud, seemingly totally unregulated room of chaos that gives ME a headache after 5 minutes. As I said to his teacher, "It is a Fragile X nightmare." To which she smiled and said, "I guess I've gotten used to it." I have learned that if we go a little late then some of the classes have left and it's not as bad. Also, that means less time in the cafeteria.  But, if I walk him all the way in, then I inevitably end up staying for some or all of his lunch before I can break away. I think I've only managed to send him in from oustide as I'm supposed to... twice.

I've come to realize that Toby being in preschool gives me zero extra "free" time from what I had before. The only difference being that instead of being confined to the house while he took his one-hour, non-nap, I am free to run errands or book an appointment. Oh well. I'd rather he be comfortable and if that means more of my time spent helping his transition so be it. Thankfully I am in a position where this is an option.

But pray for both of us. It's hard on him and it's hard on me watching him go through something that's hard on him. Last week, with his cold, was a particularly un-fun week. AND, on top of Toby's transition issues, we've had some Kaden behavior issues. Gotta love that call from the Vice Principal to report on your son's behavior in the cafeteria the one day you manage not to go in.

Yup, that's right. We had a week where ALL my parenting worries were targeted at Kaden and Toby and not Blue.

Pigs are flying. Be careful.  

One minute you think you've got a handle on this parenting thing and life is good then the next minute your four-year-old starts peeing on the carpet and furniture on purpose. That four-year-old turns five, mellows back out, life is good again, and then suddenly your eight-year-old is exhibiting behaviors at school that has you threatening homeschool (something you swore you'd NEVER do) and looking into local private Christian schools. 

Oy. 

Back to Toby.

I've pretty much decided that I'm giving it through this week before I give up on the cafeteria idea and start his school day once they are done with lunch and go back to the classroom.  Once he gets in his classroom, he's always happy and participatory.  

Ready or not, in less than an hour we'll be rolling out to see what week three brings. I'll be dwelling on Romans 15:13 as I go, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

After last week, I'm especially needing that fill-up on this Monday.

Blah

I like to write blog posts about good things worth celebrating, things I think will be helpful to other moms, or things that are just truly terrible that I can make funny.

Lately I've just felt a little blah. Blah doesn't fall into any of those categories.

This time last year Blue was winding down his 9 month long defiant peeing / destructive behaviors spree and I was still VERY ON EDGE ALL THE TIME because of that mess. 

None of that is going on anymore.

I have friends who have gone through/are going through terrible hardships this year. Not us.

Three years ago the month before this blog started we had a helluva start to fall - Blue had surgery because his thumb got smashed and we hadn't legally adopted him yet so we had a CPS investigation right before his adoption trial. Woo-hoo! That was also the month Kevin, with Blue in the car, got hit by a drunk driver. On a Friday MORNING! Car was totalled so thank goodness for friends who loaned him a car for a whole month while insurance junk got figured out and we knew how much money we had to put down on a new car. That was a high drama time. 

The drama these days is the 3rd grade homework load.

We ended up buying Kevin a NEW car (usually we're used car folks) and NEXT month we make our FINAL payment. That's something to celebrate.

I recognize that. I also recognize that 3rd grade homework being our current highest drama is pretty awesome too.

I wrote more things to be thankful for in a bible time journal this morning *our neighbor's cut their grass! *I think we're at three days in a row without rain! *last night's jog *a bag full of coins my Dad handed off to me, that once I rolled 'em and deposited 'em, is enough to pay for an upcoming date night AND a new outfit!

I feel like moment by moment I'm celebrating the little things but then at the end of the day I just feel blah. Blah doesn't translate into wanting to blog.

Ok, there are a few over-arching things that have lent to the "blah" (in addition to the nightly homework battle):

I can't lose weight. Sept 6th Kevin and I started a cleanse. A strict, strict, designed for serious weight loss cleanse. Fiber drinks and protein shakes... The first week I lost four pounds. Yay! Weeks 2 and 3? Um, it would appear I've already hit a plateau. Excuse me? Kinda depressing. The summer was so hit or miss for exercises. In July I logged a whopping 7.92 miles jogged over 4 jogs. In August 0 miles. 0 jogs. But here in September now that structure has resumed and weight loss is a goal, 15.81 miles over 8 runs - I know that averages out to some short, short runs, but like tonight, I didn't hit the pavement till 7:30pm and I was already pretty much out of daylight when I started so I just ran a hard 1.5 and came on back. This also doesn't factor in our daytime walks. Bottom line. Exercise! Healthiness! But all I can think is... four measly pounds.

And it does get me down how hard schoolwork comes to Kaden. Not one "A" on his progress report. :-( 

Also, I've started taking Kaden on jogs. The first time I was proud of him, but overall I'm discouraged by how whiny he is about it. He acts like I'm killing him! But then mid-jog he'll casually hop up and swat a basketball net he's passing, or, at the end, when he should be spent and I say let's race to our stopping point, he's suddenly got all this energy and leaves me in the dust right away. I don't get it.

And even though Toby has been doing fantastic. I mean really great, using sentences, being so, so funny, snuggling, very little hitting and scratching which were such big issues just a month ago... We're in the process of transitioning him AGAIN to the special needs preschool (instead of just ST and OT appointments) and I know it's a good thing, but then part of me is like really, MORE change for him? 

And a few other things regarding friendships that I don't really want to bring up on a public blog. ;-)

And this whole election time. That's depressing too. I happen to like the first family and I hate it when people say ugly, untrue things about them online. Especially when the tone is anger and the source is a "Christian." Also drives me nuts when people assume I feel a certain way because I am a Christian and will think I will agree with them that the president has been the worst for Christianity because of things like his stance on gay marriage. I believe in CIVIL RIGHTS for ALL people and my faith leads me to that compassionate conclusion. Clear?

Whew. Where did that soapbox come from?

I am pleased with how the Gators are playing. And I've got a party in the works for the FL/GA game that I'm quite excited about. That's good.

I've read some fantastic novels recently. I've been cooking (some stuff just for the boys and then I go eat my salad with vinegar dressing - sigh) a lot and considered a few food themed posts. Toby and I stay busy and I've considering talking about some of our at-home learning fun. Like today I gave him some money to put in his piggy bank to work on fine motor. He played me so well. Kept asking for "more pennies" and I gave him at least a buck more than I was planning to. (Once it goes in, it can't be taken out - that's just wrong!) We've also had a lot of fun with home-made tub paints and going swimming at a friend's house. Less fun, but still productive has been our letter work and writing practice times. 

I've thought about posting about how Blue's doing with kindergarten (exceeding expectations in that we only average about one bad report per week).

I considered a post about packing healthy school lunches and maintaining variety. Eh. Don't feel like it.

Kevin started some earth boxes.Yay! Fresh herbs. Potential for fresh veggies! Nope... don't really feel like blogging about that either.

That's it. That's what's going on. Glad you're up to speed? Want pictures of the kids? Um, I haven't taken many since Labor Day weekend...

Blue "swinging." (At least once a week we go to the playground before school in the gap between Kaden's drop off and his.)

Toby painting.

And Kaden... I don't have any of Kaden really. Here's his hand and a giant caterpillar.

See you back here... eventually. 

Summer Flare

That sounds like the title of a fashion spread doesn't it? One featuring bright, whimsical dresses. I'm picturing something yellow with large white polka dots, fitted at the waste, full, knee-length skirt.

This post has nothing to do with that.

Think flare as in, bursting into an intense flame, to intensify suddenly. 

June... sweet happy June. Yes, Kaden had a camp the very first week and Toby had swim lessons the very next... but we were home and we were doing things at and near home. Those were simpler times. Our biggest dilemma was deciding which local beach to go to or what day should we try the new, local water park...

Then, on July 4th we left for our first road trip. Our Lousiana, Texas, Alabama roadtrip. After this road trip we got to leave Kaden and Blue in Tampa for Camp Gran and Papa, so you'd think with only one kid we'd have a chance to recover, but no. That week, all week, Toby decided to sleep poorly and have diarrhea and overall, it didn't end up being a relaxing week.

By, July 25th, when the International Fragile X Conference rolled around we were SO READY just to leave and be in a hotel without kids. Ready enough that, although we attended the mixer the first night, we went straight to bed as soon as it was over. I think that was at 9:00pm. 

And the conference. I'm still hoping to sit down and go over my notes and get on-line to print up graphics and handouts from the workshops I liked best. And process. And digest. And blog. And employ the visual strategies I learned about that I'm convinced will make our lives easier.

Sigh. One of these days. 

After the conference we were home for all of ONE DAY before heading off on our SECOND TWO WEEK ROAD TRIP of the summer.

Yup, we're crazy.

We spent four days at a lake house getting in two hikes and waterfall swims. It was the only true vacation part of our summer and was kinda sorta relaxing. If only the boys hadn't insisted on starting every day at 6am. 

Then a wedding in Chattanooga...

My brother walking my niece down the aisle.

Immediately following the reception we took off for Wilmington, NC. 

We rolled in around 2:30am.

The drive was fine. The kids all crashed around 10pm and stayed alseep. Until we arrived. And then Kaden and Blue went back to sleep, but Toby, not so much.

Toby proceeded to scream and rage and pull my hair and scratch me on and off until almost 6am.

It's one thing to go a night without sleep. It's another to spend that night with a raging toddler.

Thank goodness our hosts live in a large house and claim not to have heard him. (Or else they were just very gracious which is possible too.)

I was spent.

We were in Wilmington for part of Kevin's deputation and he was speaking in church on Sunday (Needless to say, after the night I'd had, he went alone.) and again to a group on Monday evening. Sunday Toby woke up essentially as pissed as he was before going to sleep, so I told Kevin that there was a good chance we were going home Tuesday morning and all his other appointments would be cancelled. He could drive up to his South Carolina speaking engagement the following Sunday without us. And because I was saying this while sobbing, with scratches on my arms, he knew to agree and agree quickly.

But by Sunday evening Toby was ok and Monday we had fun at the local aquarium.

And Monday afternoon I got to chill at my Wilmington BFF's house and even though this was a new house, around a new person (he'd been before but at 2 months and 11 months, so nothing he'd remember) Toby was happy and played and followed instructions and I thought who is this child?

So we stayed.

And the guestroom where Toby and I slept? It had its own balcony and this was the view:

And I got to go to my favorite beach at a time when three dolphins were gracious enough to splash by. And I got to be downtown and walk around when Jennifer Aniston was gracious enought to be shooting a scene for We're the Millers so me and my gal friends hung around for about an hour and watched the filming.

Toby had some more rough nights and I have a nice scratch next to my right eye thanks to one of them, but overall it was a great week in one of my favoritest places to be, where some of my favoritest people in the world live.

So glad we could stay.

Saturday we packed up yet again, this time for South Carolina. Our friend, Ryan, is now senior pastor of his church, so Kevin was able to speak in their services Sunday morning. We like Ryan and his wife, Courtney enough that, that's who spent our Montana/10th Anniversary trip with last summer. And the boys love their daughter.

Even though it was just for a weekend, we were grateful to reconnect with them before heading home.

And head home, we finally, finally did on Monday, August 13th - exactly one week before the boys start school.

Whew. Last week of summer.

Have we lounged and relaxed and had pajama wearing, movie watching days during this last week? 

Summer flare, people. Not summer wind-down. Not summer wrap-up. FLARE.

We get in Monday, dinner time, before bed on Monday I'd been to the grocery store and done two loads of laundry. 

Tuesday morning we brought Kaden to baseball camp.

Yup, another camp. Three days with our local minor league baseball team. They get to play games on their field and be announced by the real announcer. It's way cool.


Kaden was recognized one of the days for being the best pitcher. Uh huh.

This week we also... Hit up My Gym. Hit up a splash pad. Kevin flew Wednesday and Thursday. We had a meeting at church one night. I had a book group. Plus the usual cooking, cleaning, kiddo entertaining.

And then came Friday.

Today. 

This has been a long day.

We were out the door by 8:30 so we could spend our morning at the beach.


It was perfect. Flat water. No stinging anything. Toby kept taking my hand and pulling me into the water saying, "Swim, swim," because he liked it when I'd use the boogie board to kick us out way, far into the water.

We could have stayed all day.

Except we couldn't.

We were limited to about 2 1/2 hours.

Today was open house day at the schools. And I have three boys attending three different schools all holding their open house/meet the teacher events at the same times. Woo-hoo.

Luckily I'd roped my mom into helping me make that work, so she stayed with Toby while Blue, Kaden and I went out, first visiting Blue's school and kindergarten class and then going over to Kaden's school and third grade room. After that, I switched with my mom and took Toby by himself. By that time we were past the window of open house, but the speech therapist had told me she'd be there 45 minutes longer and I liked the idea of showing up after the crowds had dissipated. Yes, going AFTER the allotted time is definitely the way to go.

Wait, Toby? School? What? Isn't he just three?

Yes, but his speech and OT services are now through the school and this was my chance to introduce him to his room and meet his new speech therapist and pin down his schedule. Amazingly, all this was accomplished.

While I was running around, Kevin planned a movie night with another family, so I got home from the last open house and immediately started cleaning and dessert making. (Dinner was just pizza.)

Fun, social dinner time followed by kiddos and Kevin watching a movie, the other parents sneaking off to be kiddo free, and me holing up in our office. 

One more weekend and then school will be in session and normal life resumes. 

HA! 

This weekend is my mom's birthday and our anniversary. Next weekend is a VBS event at church where I'm leading music and Kevin is leading the bible story segment. Weekend after that... Labor Day and guess what? We have plans.

This is a long lasting flare.

This may be the longest summer of my life.

Just gotta make it through Labor Day.... Just gotta make it through Labor Day... Just gotta... 

Pushing the Fragile Limits

I knew it was going to be a rough summer. Toby turned three at the end of May and things changed. There was a big 'ol birthday party. Our OT/ST and play therapy routine changed. We had more end of the year activities for the big brothers. Toby rolled with it but we saw the arrival of a low hum/growl vocalization throughout the day. Input. Input. Input.  

We introduced potty training, because why not add some extra pressure into his spinning-out-of-control world?!

A week after Toby's birthday he had his annual check-up, a doc visit that included some vaccines. Poor kid, his leg, where he got the shots, got the biggest knot. It was a Friday appointment and he was run down and throwing up through the weekend.  

Then we put him through swim lessons.  Lots of anxiety throw up that week. (But we now have a fish!)

Then we had a few weeks of summer routine - shuttling brothers to activities, beach days and My Gym classes were staples. The hum went away. No throwing up. Aside from some poop/potty training grossness all was well.

Until the two-week roadtrip.

Let me say that again: TWO. WEEK. ROADTRIP. 

Here's what we did:

July 4th off to Tampa, spent one night.

July 5th off to Slidell, LA spent one night

July 6th off to Longview, TX. Shortly into our drive, we stopped in New Orleans for lunch and witnessed a mega, mondo, it's amazing someone didn't call CPS because we obviously couldn't control our child, meltdown from Toby. Also, that evening when we stopped into a Moe's for dinner, Toby ate dinner then promptly vomited it all up. I was gracious enough to catch pretty much all the throw-up in my hands. Oh, how things change. Gone are the days when I ran from the pull of fresh vomit on my gag reflex. Now I extend my hands to catch it. Motherhood ain't for the weak of stomach.

Being told no here (as in, no you may not touch this painting) was the beginning of the NOLA meltdown. (Meanwhile is that Blue in the background touching a painting?!?!)

We arrived pretty late that evening at our friend's house in Lake Cherokee and spent two nights there. The boys had a blast playing with their dog, jumping around on their boats, playing in the lake, catching a catfish...

Toby on the boat. He looks grumpy here, but he liked it. Promise.

Happy boy in the lake.

The boys loved our friend's lakehouse. They played hard. They had a blast all day Saturday, but then Toby had another excellent meltdown right before church Sunday (the 8th). This was as I was trying to make a salad for the after-church potluck and pack up the car because we were moving on again that night.

A wiped-out Toby fell asleep like this in his church class:

So I went in there and grabbed him and held him asleep on me through the potluck lunch. A bit of a bummer when it was my first time in our old church in 2.5 years but... the boy needed a shoulder and not a hard plastic slide.

Next up... two nights with the Thomas family. A pool and kitties made for a very happy Sunday afternoon/Monday morning for Toby. Then he melted again. He melted, I got him to take a nice two hour nap, and then he woke up and picked up right where he'd left off. I'd never seen anything like it before. We were supposed to go on a double date that night with the Thomas's to our favorite Longview restaurant and I worried it wasn't going to happen, but finally, in the early evening, he settled down.

The next day I took the boys to Tyler, TX to go to the Discovery Science Center. It was rough keeping Toby happy, but we were meeting some new Tyler friends there, so it was important to push him and at least try. Who and what we were doing there exactly is another story and really it's Bue's story, so I may or may not tell it here... but anyway, our group that day:

Then we continued on to the Mauldin's where we spent 5 nights. (The poor Mauldins!) They have a gorgeous house on a lake and a dog Toby loved, so it was a comfortable space, and Toby settled. In every house Toby and I had our own room and bed that we shared, and for the most part we/he slept well. He got into a rut where he was waking up at 5am but I put shows on my computer and kept him quiet until the rest of the house woke up.

Every day we met at a splash pad or park or friend's house. Every day an activity. Just like at home but new places, new faces. He was such a trooper. Some anxiety throw up, more fussiness, but overall he did so well.

On the Mauldin's lake.

Then one night in Birmingham, AL to pick up a nephew and a niece.

Then, with a 5-kid-full van back to Tampa to dump 4 kids, and spend one more night before coming home with just Toby.

Oy! Why did we do all that exactly?

Here's Why We Did It:
As a missionary pilot, Kevin's salary is 100% self-raised support. Imagine being hired by a non-profit on the condition that you first raised enough grant money to cover your new position. Kinda like that. MFI, as non profit, raises money for the planes, facilities, and some staff costs (paid office staff, everyone's healthcare etc,), but the salaries of the pilot/mechanics are raised by the pilots/mechanics. Kevin was accepted by MFI in October 2009, but he didn't start working for them until August 2010. From October through Decemebr of 2009 we were wrapping up life in Longview (completing Blue's adoption!) and Kevin was still flight instructing. Beginning in January 2010, until he started in August, he was driving around visiting with people about supporting him in his new ministry position. Supporters send their money to MFI, and MFI cuts Kevin's check based upon what has come in. Every other year Kevin gets two extra weeks for "deputation," as in time to visit with supporters, to remind them what their supporting. Our church in Texas and many of its members support us. It was awesome to reconnect with old friends, hear about their lives (the stuff that doesn't show up in facebook statuses!), and share updates on Kevin's ministry with MFI.

That's why we did it. That's why we'll be doing it again coming up because we have friends/supporters in North and South Carolina to visit as well.

Since we've been back Toby's had diarrhea. All week. He's had meltdowns every day. I've got a nice scratch on my jawline from one of 'em. He's had some terrible nights but the past two have been good. We've made it to My Gym class and the beach and had our usual fun too, so he's settling back down.

Just in time for Kevin and I to go out of town because of the International Fragile X Conference in Miami.

There is still no "normal" this summer!

But he'll be home, he'll have his brothers, he's used to my mom watching him overnight... and one of the days she's actually bringing the boys down to the conference, so he won't be away from us the whole length of the time. Even so... no routine, no groove. Every day seemingly something new.

No wonder we've seen an escalation in anxiety behaviors, but at the same time we've seen improvements in speech. He's correctly answering "where" questions more and more often and his vocabulary is increasing. The other day he correctly identified a plunger and I was floored as to how and why he knew that word! 

He's our Toby. A fragile X kid, born into a won't-slow-down family. In his own way he rolls with it, and sometimes he stresses me and sometimes he impresses me. Either way, we're making do. What other option is there? 

Not Just Another Poop Post

This is going to be about my sucky morning. A morning that included diarrhea sludge packed full of whole blueberries. I want to be up front about this from the start because I don't feel like holding back and this post probably isn't for people with weak stomachs. Or people currently eating. Especially if you're eating blueberries.

Don't say you weren't warned.

I woke up and checked my phone. I have a lot going on at the moment, too much really, and I was hoping that somehow the people I didn't get answers from during the day yesterday felt like giving me answers between midnight and 7am. 

They didn't.

Read about the Colorado shooting.

Heard the garbage truck in the neighborhood. Cursed my husband in my head because I figured he didn't get the trash out. He didn't. I did it in my cut-off sweat shorts and tank. Hi neighbors! This is me bra-less before 8am!

Thought about the Colorado shooting as I got online to order my Batman tickets for tonight. Wondered, if the people in that theater, clearly Batman diehards as they were there for the midnight showing opening day, didn't get to see the movie, why should I? Contemplated ordering Step Up Revolution tickets instead but it doesn't release for another week. (Um, hello, have you seen the previews for Step Up Revolution? It looks fantastic. Judge all you want. I SO want to see it and so does Kevin. He may not take out the trash but he IS the man for me.) 

Heard Toby calling me from his room as I was completing my order. I called back and told him to come out knowing full well he would not. There is a mysterious force around his door that prevents him from opening his door in the mornings even though at other times in the day he is fully capable of this opening-the-door task. I don't get it either.

In the 2.7 minutes it took me to complete my order and get to Toby he:

Stripped naked.

Diarrhead everywhere.

EVERYWHERE.

But not in his bed. That's how I know it happened after he called for me.

That's how I know that this catastrophe could have been prevented, but wasn't because of my stupid movie-ordering delay. We moms are NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE A LIFE, should we attempt it, the universe punishes us. 

I don't make up the rules. I just clean the poop.

So I picked up Toby and put him in the tub.

And I decided to add in my 1,000 Gifts-inspired-thankfulness-journal that I was thankful I had at least come in 2.7 minutes and not 3.2 minutes because at least the poop wasn't really everywhere. Just everywhere on the carpet. He hadn't managed to pull out clothes to rub in it. He hadn't got his poopy hands into his book box. Clothes and books were spared. A gift, I'm telling ya.

It's all about perspective.

With Toby in the tub I just stared at the carpet for a little bit. I contemplated cleaning it vs. ripping it up.

Not kidding.

Had I been physically strong enough to move the furniture out without getting poop on it, that carpet would be gone right now.

After this bout of denial, I accepted the fact that I would have to start cleaning the carpet, so I cleaned up all the uh, large matter. (Dark green sludgy matter packed with perfect blueberry spheres!) Moms, don't you just love being able to identify specific foods in your kids poop? SO one of my favorite parts of the job.

NOT.

(Remember, NOT jokes? A friend of mine was just telling me how annoyed she was that someone had taught her kid the concept of the NOT joke. Kelly, that was for you.)

I then removed all the things that needed to go into washing machine, started a load, and tended to Toby in the tub.

Once Toby was clean I set him in front of the TV and started the real clean up.

TWO HOURS LATER (That's one episode of Sesame Street, one episode of Word World and one episode of I don't even remember. Yup, my kid got in 2 hrs of tv before lunch. Just call me Mother of the Year.) I accepted the fact that my plans to go to the beach were dead. 

Beach plans dead, carpet still gross. Happy Friday to me!

I contemplated how I could rearrange the furniture. I texted Kevin telling him that this evening we would be deciding if A. we would replace Toby's carpet with a nice dark green carpet that wouldn't show stains, or B. we would be going the painted concrete route we went with in Blue's room after his defiant-peeing phase.  

But we're kinda broke right now, so I googled new cleaning options.

HYDROGEN PEROXIDE!

It works.

Well, it works better than anything else I tried.

After my first bout of true progress, I decided I needed a break. Toby and I went for a walk. Then I thought... (going back to Batman Colorado fatalities) what if today were my last day? Did I really want to spend my last day attacking poop stains over and over and over again? So I filled the inflatable pool in the backyard for playtime. 

Half an hour later, Toby pooped in the pool. 

He was naked.

(Toby refuses to be clothed in our backyard anymore.)

No lined bathingsuit and/or no swim diaper = poop floating around the pool.

Of all the pervading themes to my dominate my years of motherhood, why did I end up with defecation?

As a teenager I fantasized about my someday-memoir. No lie. I imagined it would be about my basketball team's worth of kids, some adopted, some bio. How we'd come to be as a family, breaking color bounderies, embracing different cultures. The primary themes of the story would be overcoming obstacles and how multiple cultures melded into the new culture of our particular family. Oh the naive dreams of the young.

At 34 here is my memoir: I have three white kids. Two adopted. One bio. We celebrate my Russian born child's heritage in that we have a painting purchased in Moscow that hangs in our guest bath. When he first came home his stomach had a rough go with adjusting to, well, food. I cleaned up a lot of disgusting poop. We celebrate our Texas born adopted kid's heritage in that we made his middle name Tyler after the city where he was born. This son went through a poop-smearing phase in protest of his little brother's birth. He also went through a defiant peeing phase just because he wanted to see if he could put me in a loony bin. He failed. Barely, but he failed. The youngest, has Fragile X, and as soon as I introduced him to the concept of potty training decided he was a nudist and poops all over the place. Yup, I clean up poop all the time. The end.

Back to poop in the pool... As I struggled to dump out the too-full and therefore very heavy pool, I managed to step in a pile of carnivorous ants. Yup, angry red ants decided to make lunch out of my left leg, so I had to jump into the poop-filled water to get them off.

That's when I decided I was going to have to blog about this.

Because if I have to live it, then you should get to laugh at my expense, right? You get to say, at least that wasn't my morning, right?

(Otherwise, why blog?)

I killed the ants, I dumped out the poop water pool, but my left leg looks like it has a mysterious, one-limb-isolated case of chicken pox. Awesome!

Toby got put back in the tub, but this time in my bathroom. It's nice to change these things up a bit. 

When I got him out, he threw one helluva fit. It lasted a long time. Sigh. I wanted to brush him to help calm him down, but I couldn't find his brush. Of course I couldn't! (It's a medical scrub brush for brushing his body - it can provide the sensory input a fragile x kid needs to reinstate his sense of well being. Or something like that)

Fit ran its course and I provided sensory input by compression and rubbing.

And then, Toby took a nap.

This boy hasn't taken a nap in his bed in... I can't tell you how long.  I wouldn't have even tried except I had a friend coming over to give me a henna tattoo. So I tried. And well, I have a henna tattoo, and he's STILL napping.

My tatt:

The universe has changed its mind and decided to be kinder to me now. I think it's feeling guilty about the whole ants thing. I agree. That was OVER THE TOP.

AND my mom called and asked if I thought pears would be good in the white wine sangria she's making to go with dinner tonight. (I said yes.) THAT is my kind of phone call.

My mom's making me sangria. And dinner. And watching my kid so I can go to a movie with my husband. A movie hundreds of people didn't get to finish last night. I will NOT be taking that fact for granted.

So can I get all sappy now? And end this by saying, I am so, so thankful. Yes, I'm thankful for poop-free books and henna and sangria. Yes, I'm thankful that my day turned around, but even if it didn't, what I am mostly thankful for is that I was gifted with this day. That I, Kevin, and all my boys were gifted with this day when so many others were not.

Intro to Potty Training FX Style

If I had a nickle for every time Kaden or Blue has hollered, "Mo-om, Toby's naked!" in the past month... I could treat you to Starbucks and we could both get a venti. 

We're potty training around here.

Kinda, sorta.

Thus far, Toby's favorite part of potty training has been getting naked. Not sure why the boy has to take his shirt off to pee, but he insists.

Maybe I should I back up.

I've potty trained two boys, so this is Toby's intro to potty training. The first two had their own challenges in that I started training Kaden before he was verbal and Blue was very, very willful. But, around two and a half Kaden was no longer in diapers except at night and Blue was in underwear a few months before he turned three as well. I'm such a pro.

Oh ok, it's my intro to potty training as well, potty training a child with special needs.

Because of this, the night before I introduced Toby to his *new potty, I got out the two relevent books I had in our home library and read what they had to say about potty training.

(*I say new potty because at the beginning of the year I bought an Elmo toilet seat, but Toby would have NOTHING to do with it. This go, we're using a Bjorn potty chair.)

Two pages in Raising a Sensory Smart Child on toileting reminded parents about noises (toilet flushing) and other physical sensations that could interfere with training. Ok, noted,

Children with Fragile X Syndrome A Parent's Guide  had more to say. The first section that addressed it covered the basic info, relevant even to "typcial" kids, the only special info for FX kids were the reminders that, "Because children with fragile X syndrome have problems with sensory integration, it may not be until they are bursting to go to the toilet that they realize what this urgent sensation is." And then at the end of the section addressing the fact that FX kids are on their own timeline, "If your child is not toilet trained by school age, this may have to become part of his leanring package at school."

Another section in this book addresses more specifically why FX kids will likely be delayed in their toilet training. "Children need the cognitive skills to use the toilet independently. For some children with fragile X syndrome who have more severe cognitive impairments, this can be dificult. Children also need the fine motor skills to remove clothing. Their sensory skills have to alert them when ethir bladder and bowel are full, and it has to alert them to the discomfort of walking around with wet or soiled clothes. And they need the language skills to communicate their needs." It then went on to reccommend a parent wait until he felt confident their child had all these abilities.

Ha! 

I knew Toby could take off his shorts and diaper but doubted he would when I wanted him to. 

I had no idea whether of not he understood the sensation of needing to go and disliking being soiled.

HIs language skills remain more descriptive (labeling what he sees) or social (Hi! Please! Ok!), and less functional unless prompted. (Toby, don't just go to the fridge, open it, and start hollering. Tell me, "Milk, please." or "Yogurt, please." Or... Whatever! Just tell me! He can. He usually does not.)

So I doubted he was ready.

Whatever.

I was ready to try.

In this month Toby has peed on the potty about 1,000 times.  He has peed on the floor about 1,000 times. And he has peed in his underwear or pullup (I'll get to the underwear vs pullup part in a bit) about 1,000 times. These are estimates.

In this month Toby has pooped in the potty about five times.  He has pooped on the floor twice. And he has popped in a pullup all the other times.  (Just now occuring to me he never pooped in underwear. Hmmmm). These are accurate numbers.

The first week we introduced the potty we kept him underwear at home and in pull ups when we were out and about. I took him to the potty regularly. If he peed his pants we said, "No, no Toby, where does pee pee go?" To which he ALWAYS answered, "In the potty."  He got this answer down the very first day. 

I learned pretty quick that he could tell when he needed to go poop (No underwear accidents.). Twice he went poop on the potty ON HIS OWN!!! Both times were after peeing on the floor. So... I could also tell he had no idea when he needed to pee.

I also learned that he could make himself pee at least 1/2 a teaspoon EVERY time I sat him on the potty so I would praise him and he could get down and go back to what he was doing. Even if I'd insist he'd stay longer/do more I still just get small squirts. (Small squirts! Oh aren't potty posts fun! Wait till I get to the poop smearing...) Then two minutes later, once he was free, he'd let go like 16 ounces worth on the floor.

The mom life is so glam.

Because we were changing him into pull ups so often (we're often out and about and also at naptime which he would take adventage of and poop then), we really weren't getting anywhere. After week one I was sick of cleaning puddles. 

We've gone to pull ups full time. I figure it is useless to push the underwear issue when we're about to go on two long roadtrips. Also, I'd really like to give it three full at-home days, maybe once school starts, when we officially go back to underwear. 

In the meantime...

Toby will also use "big" potties, both at home and out and about, sitting backwards. (And no, the flushing doesn't scare him.) He's also still fine with his potty chair.

He has told his first lie. Me: (After watching him pee a little on the floor.) "Toby, did you just go pee pee on the floor?" He: "No." (Which at least indicates he knows he not supposed to.)

Toby pees in his pull up or, on his own, gets fully naked and pees on the potty. ("Mo-om, Toby's naked!").

He now knows how to take off his shirt. 

He never poops on the potty anymore on his own. He doesn't pee on the floor anymore unless... He does poop or pee in his room when he's supposed to be in there napping. For some reason he will not open the door to his room to use the potty that is in the hall right outside he room. 

Our naptime experiences of the past 3 weeks have been:

3 weeks ago: Most Disgusting Day of My Life. Toby pooped in his diaper and then had a grand 'ol time smearing it everywhere. I've had a few poop smears to deal with in my Mom Life before, but this one was a doozy. I felt like an idiot and took total blaim. We hadn't converted his bed to a toddler bed because we just kept putting it off, but now that we were potty training I wanted him to be able to get up to use the potty. So we converted his bed.

Last week: The NEW Most Disgusting Day of My Life. Toby got out of bed, made a mess all over his room, got naked, pooped on the floor, and then decided he'd have a grand 'ol time... We lost a few books and two swim shirts to that poop smear. Toby himself looked liked he'd been to the spa and signed up for the mud bath. I took one look at him and hollered for Blue's help. You know it's bad when I need to entrust Blue to be my helper. Blue cleared the tub of all the toys for me while I made Toby NOT MOVE and then clean up began. That took a full HOUR of clean up and then more goes after that at the stains on the carpet after the area dried up a bit.  

Glam I tell you.

This week: I leave Toby's door open and he hasn't napped once. Well, until 4pm when twice he's fallen asleep on the floor in a random spot in the house thus totally messing up the afternoon/dinner/bed time routine.

Thinking about moving the potty into his room? Buying a video moniter? Giving up on naptime? 

I don't know.

These naptime instances have been our only big potty time frustration. Otherwise, my expectations were low to begin with so it didn't take much to exceed them.  

Now that we're past the intro, I have higher hopes for the 201 Course coming up at the end of August.

Stay tuned...

Oh, and you're welcome for the absence of pictures in this post.

For one more FX potty training resource go here.

Mother's Day Tea... and a Hamster Named Dinosaur.

Blue's class hosted a Mother's Day Tea yesterday. Toby stayed at a friend's house so Blue could have me as his date all to himself.

The class recited some things and sang us song.

They loaded us up with goodies:

We moms did a mad lib style story with our kids, decorated cookies, and received cards in which the kids had answered questions about us.  Apparently, I am as pretty as... a goldfish. Warms your heart, doesn't it?

Blue was a perfect date, and I had a lovely time.

But this is a Blue story.

Obviously it doesn't end there.

After the party, school was done, so Blue came with me to get Toby. We were hanging our for a bit and Blue disappeared down the hallway to the boy's room and my friend and I didn't think anything of it, but then, it kinda occurred to us at the same time... the hamster! 

Blue had dismantled the hamster cage in a way that my friend didn't even know the cage could be dismantled and Dinosaur the pet hamster was running free. Thankfully, running free in this case meant that he was simply hanging out on the table where his cage had once sat. Blue got scolded and warned he was never to touch Dinosaur's cage or hold him without a grown up around. Soon enough, the cage was reassembled, the poop pellets vacuumed off the floor, and Dinosaur was safely returned. Since Blue had never explicitly been told to leave the hamster alone, that was the extent of his correction.

Then Mommies left the room, but not three minutes later there was much suspicious squealing.  Um yeah, Blue had re-released Dinosaur.  He was promptly sent to wait by the door until we left and he lost TV and baseball-attending privileges for that evening. He was told he could earn back the right to attend Kaden's baseball game, but alas, he did not.

And that's the end of a Blue story.

(Deep sigh.)

Week in Review

Hmmmm. Where have I been all week?

Blue got sick Sunday and missed school Monday which got us off to a weird start. 

We just didn't do much.

I did pull down the balloons I'd strung up for Daddy's birthday.

They're still all over the house, and that makes the kids happy, but no, that's not very exciting news.

The Alabama cousins are in Florida for their spring break but spring break came and went for us already so no plans to see them.  Until, that is, I found out they were going to Disney on Thursday. Then I scored some tickets and arranged for a day trip.

Getting the boys out the door by 7:15am? No problem. Entertaining them in the car with a movie and snacks? Easy. Getting them in their Gator gear, sunscreened up, and out the car? Cinch. Folding the stroller and getting 3 boys and a stroller onto the parking lot tram. Oy. Not fun. Forgetting I could have gotten Toby a special needs pass until we were already 2/3rd through the day? Oy. Not smart. 

We met up with our cousins. I got to see a college friend. A childhood friend who lives in Orlando and has season passes joined up after her kids were done with school. It was a full day seeing great people. But. Oy. Holy lots of work for this Momma. 

Toby hated more rides than he liked. We had one anxiety throw-up incident and then at the 10pm after a long, long day we were misdirected during our WALK to the van (no way I could do the tram again with the stroller that Toby was then sleeping in) so even though I knew where I was parked (Heroes lot, Simba 20! I STILL remember.), it was a long while getting there with an exhausted Blue cyring softly as he walked. :-(

But the boys slept most of the way back, were all tucked in their beds by 12:30am and just when I was about to congratulate myself on such a long day I got on facebook to see that the rest of the world was up either at the Hunger Games or watching the Gators basketball game. So we were all up together. 

And today on during school drop offs (oh yes, they were made to go to school today. They can rest up this afternoon.) we were happily chatting about favorite rides and events.

Me: Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor, Toby calling out his name every time they asked another audience member his/her name.

Kaden: Barnstorner! Two Times!

Blue: Buzz Lightyear Space Rangers ride (two times!), Orbiter

Toby: He was still in bed for this conversation. (Kevin is home sick today.) but he seemed happiest running around Huck Finn's Island.

Ah. The Magic of The Mouse.